Monday, June 26, 2006

Balancing Act

I read this post and it made me laugh. Then it made me think. I really do need one of Lori's seminars. I need to learn to look at a project and say "Eh."

Sometimes, I have to let go. I find great joy in completion, in stepping back and heaving a big breath and smiling at something finished and finished well. But sometimes, there is pleasure in shrugging and smiling and leaving something not finished, but "done enough".

At least, that's what I'm told. I'm just a little obsessive-compulsive about finishing stuff, even stuff that is unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

I can't accomplish everything I want to accomplish in this world. There is simply not enough time to learn, see, do, experience or complete everything that this world offers. So I have to pick and choose. I need to find a balance.

For example, when Fearless Husband is home (instead of floating around on the big boat for a change) and he says "want to make some popcorn and cuddle on the couch watching a movie?" and I say "I'd love to! Just as soon as I finish blah-blah-blah..." sometimes I need to just stop whatever I'm doing and curl up with a movie, some popcorn and the husband. Instead, last night when this happened, I kept saying "I'll be there in just a minute" as I resized photos to post on my Japan blog.

Three hours later, he got up from the couch and headed for bed. I was frustrated with him ("why couldn't he have waited just a few more minutes?") and frustrated with myself ("because it's been three hours since he asked you, and he has to be up at the ass-crack of dawn").

So my pride in a completed job (the blog post with photos) was tainted by regret and sorrow--regret that I didn't leave it for today, when he's back out at sea and I'm alone. Sorrow that he must feel that spending precious time with him is not as important to me as completing the task I'd set for myself, with its completely arbitrary deadline. If, God forbid, something happens to FH, I would regret the cuddling time deferred, not the blog half-finished.

I don't want to drop everything and wallow around in half-assed attempts and ignored commitments. But I do need to pick and choose what's important to the here and now. Sometimes, the unpacking and the floor-cleaning and the paper filing and the blogging need to give way to the spur-of-the-moment invitation and the desire to sit on the balcony in the rain and watch the storm sweep across the harbor and the good book calling my name. Sometimes, the joy to be found in popcorn and a movie and my husband's arms is a better choosing-of-joy than finishing whatever it is I think needs finishing.

Now, I just have to remember that.