Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Not Because He HAS to...Just Because He WANTS to.

FH is home, and it's wonderful. I missed him, he missed me, and it's lovely to have him home.

It's also frustrating, as we've both been "doing our own thing" for a while, and we've got to get used to being aware of another person's needs/desires/presence again. We're both trying hard to be aware of the other.

I got really cranky yesterday, for no reason, really. I was hot, and frustrated with a freelance job, and angry with FH for not reading my mind and knowing automatically what I wanted him to say and do (and the fact that what I wanted from him was two completely contradictory things and I hadn't told him either of them is just beside the point, ok?)

Instead of picking a fight, I went upstairs to try and work out my bad mood getting more books unpacked. I came down in a much better frame of mind, glad I hadn't exploded at him, glad I had just waited for the irrational irritation to blow over.

But...where was he? I couldn't find him! That jerk! Did he just leave without telling me??

Then I saw him.

Outside, in the 95F heat--there he was, bent over in our teeny, overgrown yard/garden space, pulling weeds. He knew it was something I wanted to get done, and he knew I hadn't gotten around to it for a lot of reasons, the heat and humidity being two main considerations.

He's not a gardening-type person. He wasn't doing it out of guilt, or to make up for anything he'd done or to assuage me. I hadn't yelled, or been huffy, or let him know I was feeling cranky. He didn't even know I was upset! He just decided that I must be doing something productive somewhere in the house, and he needed to do something productive, too--to contribute to the "us", and to show me he loved me and was thinking about me.

He wasn't out there long. It really was insanely hot and humid, and grassy and buggy and sticky. But he weeded about a third of the yard space, and it looks SO much better.

He helped me find joy today, and in the process found his own joy. You know how that works...his joy brings me more joy, which brings him joy, etc., etc., etc.

I'm grateful. I'm lucky. And I'm in love with my husband.